boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2005/10/daphney-im-still-with-but-i-know-i.html
A better life through self-expression. Sunday, October 02, 2005. I don't know. I haven't been stunningly happy in a while. Everything I build with her seems to fade now. What do I have new to give her? Posted by Fran : 12:31 am. No Longer A Virgin. 4 October 2005 at 22:20. What about what you are given? The sometimes selfish OAO. 5 October 2005 at 23:27. 9 October 2005 at 05:49. 24 December 2005 at 04:32. I read over your blog, and i found it inquisitive, you may find My Blog. 29 December 2005 at 14:28.
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2005/09/im-never-amicable-when-tired-and-i-get.html
A better life through self-expression. Wednesday, September 21, 2005. I'm never amicable when tired, and I get scared. Everything takes on super-significance. Does she hate me now? Why are her feet so metronomic? Why is everything so loud? What are people thinking? What does it matter if the world runs on money? What's the point of debates? What's the point of this day? Why am I still here? It's like my brain is shivering, coming up with these absurdities to keep itself warm. Posted by Fran : 5:46 pm.
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered: 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2004_04_01_archive.html
A better life through self-expression. Monday, April 26, 2004. I need a drink because my head hurts and the screen I can't even see, but I won't get one because I'm woozy and swaying and about to fall off the chair and kooz. Sometimes I want to get get get away. I wanna get some clip-pedals and cycle to John O' Groats and back. Camp by the side of the road. I want kids too, to be this brave and fearless person? Because I genuinely love childish play and fun and just. the need to move! The sudden, spontan...
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered: 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2004_06_01_archive.html
A better life through self-expression. Tuesday, June 29, 2004. Today was nice. On the bus to Muswell Hill embarked a pram, with a beautiful, smiling baby in it. It grinned at me, at the woman opposite, at everyone. And there was a baby, yeah! And she smiled and she giggled like there was nothing wrong! And I looked in her eyes, and the good was reflected, and it was good. And then. She played with my hand, marvellin at the thumb, probing like a physio. And it was all beautiful, multi-racial fun. I'm at a...
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered: 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2004_05_01_archive.html
A better life through self-expression. Tuesday, May 25, 2004. Today I had my German exam, listening and reading. Went well. Now I must revise for my pre-released media paper. And memorise 1 and a half hours worth of writing. Should be fun! I looked into your perfect eyes, flecked with comprehension. I moved you by virtue of my brazen stare. You and I had a connection forged somewhere in the bowels of heaven. And then you died. I scattered your ashes in the park, where we had frolicked. She raised herself...
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2005/09/my-summers-been-great-but-arriving.html
A better life through self-expression. Friday, September 09, 2005. My summer's been great, but arriving back my mother and I fractured our relationship. I'm not grateful enough; she has a different persona for each different guest. Which leads to me ignoring her: if she's not going to play at being a mother, I won't bother with being a son. Posted by Fran : 9:54 pm. The ironic purpose of every nest - no matter how well constructed, how comfortable, how warm and secure - is to be a platform from which the...
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered: 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2004_08_01_archive.html
A better life through self-expression. Sunday, August 29, 2004. Back from holidays, and will now try and keep posting regularly. I figure that if it keeps going, at least when I'm old I can look back; even if other people don't care. Last night I experienced synaesthesia for the first time. I was imagining a conversation, and then. The strokes' riff was the argument. It was actually everything, in less than a second. I quivered, breathed hard and tried to get to sleep. Posted by Fran : 11:48 am 0 comments.
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered: 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2004_02_01_archive.html
A better life through self-expression. Saturday, February 28, 2004. I was thinking walking my dog around the suburban streets. I thought about my girl, E. I had spoken with my mother, about her earlier. Thinking that spending weeks in a summer school/camp with her would be undesirable, as she makes stupid comments. Does that bother me? Do I want a more intelligent girl? I know I would like an intelligent boy, to see the arthouse films with and jerk off in the toilets afterwards. Yeah well so what if I do?
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2005/07/abandoned-at-end-of-school-all-my-real.html
A better life through self-expression. Thursday, July 21, 2005. Abandoned at the end of school, all my real friends gone away with no glances up as I walked away yesterday. All in this case means two, but I love them and they mean enormous things to me. Another friend I had plans to do nothing with, to absorb the odd, swirling calm at the end of things. She cancelled. Playing football on the field, spending empty minutes on an empty day, making empty jokes. Posted by Fran : 3:53 pm. You know I want it.
boybewildered.blogspot.com
Boy Bewildered
http://boybewildered.blogspot.com/2005/06/absence-of-any-weight-acting-on-my.html
A better life through self-expression. Saturday, June 11, 2005. The absence of any weight acting on my pressured brain has created one, right through my heart, drawing on every breath. I have five more exams, but they're not for over a week so they may as well not exist. Reading John Updike, my own thoughts feel more full and rounded. Every subconsciously phrased, personal message seems to me beautiful and worthy of paper, but I don't have any and so they drift away. Cinders. Posted by Fran : 12:04 am.
