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Grumpy Girl Monologues: December 2011

http://www.grumpygirlmonologues.com/2011_12_01_archive.html

Thursday, December 22, 2011. Pros, Cons, and I still hate roller coasters. So my problem as of late seems to be stomaching the notion of a physical list with my name in bright lights. Without going in to the over-intrusive details, it seems I have been confronted with a list of pros and cons. Scrawling down the entire page, scratches on both sides of the wall, the pros sang of my greatness, and the cons gnawed at a much less gracious side of me. At the end of the day, a girl can only accept a list of pro...

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: July 2011

http://www.grumpygirlmonologues.com/2011_07_01_archive.html

Thursday, July 14, 2011. Days in the Tower. Years ago, my hair was blue-black. Don’t believe me? Let's move on now. I’m not quite sure what happened. It was a period in my life that is a befuddled blur upon hindsight, like I'd been dosed with Rohypnol steadily and then hypnotized for 12 months. It was societal anaphylactic shock. Growing up in suburban Spring, Texas, where the most "culture" our town got was the grand opening of the new P. F. Changs in the fancy. It seems there were a lot. My deal was .

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: September 2013

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Thursday, September 12, 2013. Portrait of a Winner: Freeing the Loser Within. Three minutes in to a five-mile hike, and there was one undeniable truth I knew about my future. I was going to die. Now, I wasn’t exactly sure how, or specifically from what, be it heat exhaustion or an acute respiratory explosion, but with an overwhelming sense of inevitability, I knew my fate. This Five minutes in, and I was resigned to the ultimate failure: a failure to survive. And by four hours, I actually mean 25 minutes,.

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: March 2012

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Monday, March 19, 2012. Sometimes the perfect job just EMAILS you. Date: Fri, Mar 16, 2012 at 3:14 PM. Subject: Re: Personal Assistant Needed‏ ( Contact me on. I'm got your email through the Monster.com employment database. I did not realize I HAD a monster.com. Account. Good to know. I am looking for someone who can handle my personal and business errands during his or her spare time. I’m a her. Please continue. I’m intrigued by your ambiguity. Oh hell, you lost me. 4 When you get my mail or package, yo...

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: December 2014

http://www.grumpygirlmonologues.com/2014_12_01_archive.html

Friday, December 12, 2014. My [Rejected] Bachelor Application. Works On A Computer. Four, but only one of them has ended a relationship (3 outta 4 ain't baaaad). Coffee, Sandwiches, Snacks, WIFI. Producers told me to write "love" but I've been doing okay so far.). The actual experience of it. If I never had to. Change out of yoga pants. I would be very happy. If I never got to. Put on yoga pants. I would be very sad. If you could be any animal, what would you be? What's your most embarrassing moment?

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: September 2011

http://www.grumpygirlmonologues.com/2011_09_01_archive.html

Thursday, September 22, 2011. Rotation Revolution takes on The Economy! For two weeks every year until I graduated college, I was the first one at the mailbox. Why? The United States Parcel Service.) And if it wasn’t cash money, it was a check, though to my small "totes-understands-the-true-value-of-money" brain, all a check meant was a longer wait to something useful. Something I could exchange for stuff. Maybe I should have started this out by saying how much I love stuff. Gross Eight hours of shelving...

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: May 2014

http://www.grumpygirlmonologues.com/2014_05_01_archive.html

Thursday, May 15, 2014. Bed Bath and Beyond Rock Bottom. But the other day, I found my answer in the pillow section of a Bed, Bath and Beyond. In my home, there is an on-going joke, that’s isn’t really a joke,. That attributes getting older with bodily injuries occurring under increasingly dull circumstances. It’s a joke in a sense that we were destined to get older every day, regardless of how we injure ourselves. The part that’s not. A joke is how often we prove the theory to be true. On the war path t...

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: February 2012

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Thursday, February 23, 2012. Mighty Morphin Wedding Woes. There have only been a handful of times in my life when I was genuinely convinced I might die. Once right before the train took off on Space Mountain; once when I was eight and a duck tried to eat me; once when I was a 16-year-old girl. And once when my best friend since the third grade asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. The story I have been telling myself for two decades is entirely different. I told myself that someone had to permit.

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: May 2011

http://www.grumpygirlmonologues.com/2011_05_01_archive.html

Tuesday, May 17, 2011. Eleanor V. Physical Fitness, Part [a billion]. I’ve always had issues with exercise. Back when I was a kid, I played too many sports to really worry about it. My borderline obsessive-compulsive addiction to competition heavily outweighed my inclination towards sitting around eating double stuffed Oreos. And by heavily outweighed, I mean, I still did it, I just had to wait until after volleyball camp. If I had only been a little more masochistic, I could have avoided this unpleasant...

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Grumpy Girl Monologues: January 2015

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Saturday, January 3, 2015. That all being said - this post is solely about me and is not really aiming to contribute anything helpful to your lives. You’re welcome. It’s more of one of those End-Of-The-Year letters people write that are usually littered with smiling family photos and a laundry list of activities and holiday trips that are determined to say, “Look how great and happy our family is! Nothing has ever gone wrong with the Joneses! 8211; that all seems completely reasonable. I mapped out s...