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Stooey | @StooeyKing

@StooeyKing (by @stooeyking)

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Stooey | @StooeyKing | stooey.wordpress.com Reviews

https://stooey.wordpress.com

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1

Belated Birthday Circle Line Pub Crawl Thing – Junkie Scruff

https://stooey.wordpress.com/2015/03/01/belated-birthday-circle-line-pub-crawl-thing-the-movie

March 1, 2015. August 9, 2016. Belated Birthday Circle Line Pub Crawl Thing. Wherein my friend Toby decides that he hasn’t drank enough in the last 35 years and so calls upon us, his dear friends, to help rectify this problem. From the event page:. 8220;After a bit of thinking and some help, have decided to have a go at the circle line pub crawl. so that’s 27 pubs (probably half-pints) starting at 11am at the Baker Street Wetherspoons and moving on to the next pub at 11:20 and so on”.

2

Appetite For Illusion: Behind The Scenes – Junkie Scruff

https://stooey.wordpress.com/2015/03/07/appetite-for-illusion-behind-the-scenes

March 7, 2015. August 8, 2016. Appetite For Illusion: Behind The Scenes. Behind the scenes with Appetite For Illusion – the greatest Guns N’ Roses tribute band since, well, whatever Axl Rose and his merry band are masquerading as these days. From the event page:. 8220;We will be doing what we do best at The Phoenix Bar in High Wycombe! To save any more arguments in the rehearsal room we’ve decided to play our longest show yet to get even more great Gn’R tracks in.”. Appetite For Illusion UK: Facebook Page.

3

Junkie Scruff – Page 2 – @StooeyKing

https://stooey.wordpress.com/page/2

August 26, 2015. January 10, 2016. I used to ask myself, “Stuart, how long would you suck a dick for in order to never go back to work? 8221; This was back during my old job which I hated more than aids, babies, and James Corden combined. My first answer was an hour. I was willing to spend 1 hour sucking dick […]. June 8, 2015. August 8, 2016. Jim and Claire’s Wedding. May 18, 2015. August 8, 2016. May 11, 2015. February 22, 2016. Incineration Fest ’15. 9th May 2015 With one day to go, I decided to text ...

4

easter ’15 – Junkie Scruff

https://stooey.wordpress.com/2015/04/09/easter

April 9, 2015. April 15, 2015. Saturday 4th April: Mother’s Hat party. The idea being that all guests must turn up wearing a silly hat. Why? Who the fuck knows. Mother has these ideas from time to time. You just have to go with it and hope the damage isn’t too bad. It could’ve have gone better but it also could’ve gone a lot worse. The worse things of note being:. Two near divorces,. A crying grand-parent (who at the time of posting is still refusing to talk to us),. The things I do for Mother. It was bl...

5

new year’s – Junkie Scruff

https://stooey.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/new-years

January 1, 2015. February 8, 2016. Half way through this decade and I still don’t know what to call it. I refuse to call it the ‘teenies’. The only reason ‘noughties’ worked is because we had nothing else to work with. Anyway, happy 2015 to you and yours. May this year fly by in a blur of excitement, love, and personal achievements rather than stagnate in a fetid puddle consisting of the inevitable global catastrophes, celebrity deaths, and that general feeling of ennui that sets in around February.

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#9.5 We be Shillin’ – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/06/24/we-be-shillin

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. June 24, 2015. August 3, 2016. 95 We be Shillin’. Episode 9.5: We be Shillin’. Stuart plonked his Guinness down and took his seat. It was a nice evening so they decided to sit outside. “Well this is all rather pleasant isn’t it! 8220;Yeah.” said Ben. “We were just saying that we need to get our arses out there and cunting well do something.”. 8220;Yeah, me, and that chap you’ve just sat on”. Alright, let’s see where this goes.”. 8220;So what’re you thinking of? 8220;How”...

barstoolwarts.wordpress.com barstoolwarts.wordpress.com

About – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/about

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. Established in April 2015, Bar Stool Warts is a place where pub conversations are recreated and exaggerated in order to clarify. Once a week our heroes Stuart and Ben (and sometimes Rhys) will gather in whatever corner of the pub is unoccupied and talk bollocks for a few hours. Stuart will then spend an hour or so later on in the week typing up that bollocks as a means to make our heroes seem wittier and more profound than they actually are. DISCLAIMER: All characters appearin...

barstoolwarts.wordpress.com barstoolwarts.wordpress.com

#11 Distraction – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/07/24/distraction

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. July 24, 2015. August 3, 2016. Ben plonked his pint of Guinness down and took his seat next to Stuart. “Hey man, how’s it going? It’s been awhile.”. 8220;Fine, mate. Just bloody fine. Grand even.” Stuart replied. “You? 8220;Shitting rainbows, mate.”. 8220;Isn’t that just delightful.”. Ben removed his stolen jacket and settled in, probably splaying his toes as he. Does this in those weird-ass shoe-gloves he no doubt has on. “Your demeanour. Down in Stooey Town.”. 8220;I did tha...

barstoolwarts.wordpress.com barstoolwarts.wordpress.com

#10 Running Mate – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/06/26/running-mate

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. June 26, 2015. August 3, 2016. Episode 10: Running Mate. Rhys plonked the two pints of Guinness down. 8220;Cheers Rhys. That’ll be all.” Stuart turned away to look at Ben. “Go on then, who is she? Ben lent in to grab his glass. “What Rhys? You’ve known him for years, you tool.”. 8220;Not her, this girl you’ve been running around after.”. Stuart smirked. “That’s called a chase! Stuart lent in and in hushed tones asked. “Eff eff ess? Ben lent in. “Volkswagen thing? 8220;You&#821...

barstoolwarts.wordpress.com barstoolwarts.wordpress.com

“Next Customer…” (White Jiffy Bag) – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/04/10/next-customer-please-white-jiffy-bag

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. April 10, 2015. August 3, 2016. 8220;Next Customer…” (White Jiffy Bag). White Jiffy Bag: One man’s struggle to persuade another man to end all of existence, while a third man attempts to exploit the situation. Below is my one and only contribution to this bizarre self-gratifying saga. This was written in October 2011 and spell-checked in April 2015.]. Episode Twenty-Two: “Next Customer to your Collection Point, Please.”. Well I just thought…. Now that IS wrong. It was a flippa...

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#7 Drop it Like it’s Hot – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/06/05/drop-it-like-its-hot

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. June 5, 2015. August 3, 2016. 7 Drop it Like it’s Hot. Episode 7: Drop it Like it’s Hot. Stuart plonked his pint of ESB down next to Ben’s and took a seat. “So” Stuart began. “What happened to YOU last night? 8220;What happened to me? What the fuck happened to you? We were waiting for our food, you got yours, and then promptly fucked off.”. Did you get some? 8220;I was just being fucking polite! 8220;Specimens like us, you mean? 8220;Even though you fucked up your order? 8220;...

barstoolwarts.wordpress.com barstoolwarts.wordpress.com

#6 Rolling in the Aisles – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/05/29/rolling-in-the-aisles

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. May 29, 2015. August 3, 2016. 6 Rolling in the Aisles. Episode 6: Rolling in the Aisles. Ben arrived and spotted Stuart at the bar just as he was being served. “Two pints of Guinness please, love.” Stuart then turned to Ben. “And what are you having? 8220;Again with that joke? 8220;It’s a classic. It requires very little thought and can be whipped out at a seconds notice.”. Stuart braced himself when he saw Ben smirk. “Like your Mum’s box! Who the hell says ‘box’! Stuart looke...

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#4 Bizarre – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/05/15/bizarre

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. May 15, 2015. August 3, 2016. Stuart plonked the two pints of Guinness down and took his seat. He looked over at Ben who was looking introspective. “What the matter, mate? 8221; Ben straightened himself up momentarily before slumping back down. “It’s just, lately I’ve been feeling like everything’s just bizarre. You know? 8220;That’s probably the constipation. Saturday’s curry should sort that out.”. Why do we even need the concept of money? Is that what you’re saying? Stuart ...

barstoolwarts.wordpress.com barstoolwarts.wordpress.com

#2 Boring – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/05/01/boring

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. May 1, 2015. August 3, 2016. As Ben plonked the two pints of Guinness down, Stuart was startled back into the waking world, for he had been conversing with the world’s most boring man for what felt like 17 years. 8220;so after I’ve knocked that wall down into next door, I’ll do the same with that other wall and then the place will be just about big enough…”. 8220;because what is Chesham missing? A nightclub. Exactly. So what I propose is”. 8220;Who even is this guy? Stuart sig...

barstoolwarts.wordpress.com barstoolwarts.wordpress.com

#1 Turn the Page – Bar Stool Warts

https://barstoolwarts.wordpress.com/2015/04/24/turn-the-page

Ain't nuthin' to fuck wit'. April 24, 2015. August 3, 2016. 1 Turn the Page. Episode 1: Turn the Page. Stuart plonked the two pints of Guinness down and took his seat. Ben put his phone back on the table and apropos of nothing exclaimed, “I think I’ve got a children’s book in me.”. 8221; said Stuart. “How did that happen? 8220;No, not like that.” Ben explained. “I mean I reckon I could write one.”. 8220;What, those hypnotherapy self-help books? UPDATE: It was about a penguin.]. 8221; Enquired Ben. 8220;I...

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