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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: 03 April 2011

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Sunday, April 3, 2011. 妈妈经常叮嘱羊羊：'穿裙子时不可以荡秋千；不然，会被小男生看到里面的小内裤. 有一天，羊羊高兴地对妈妈说：'今天我和小明比赛荡秋千，我赢了！'. 妈妈生气地说：'不是告诉过你吗？穿裙子时不要荡秋千！'. 羊羊骄傲地说：'可是我好聪明哦！我把里面的小内裤脱掉了，这样他就看不到我的小. 65288;勇敢直率、敢做敢为的白羊）. 卖瓜小贩：'快来吃西瓜，不甜不要钱！'. 饥渴的牛牛：'哇！太好了，老板，来个不甜的！'. 65288;持家、想出轨又顾全自己的金牛）. 妈妈叫双双起床：'快点起来！公鸡都叫好几遍了！'. 双双说：'公鸡叫和我有什么关系？我又不是母鸡！'. 65288;自我意识强烈、自行思维的双子）. 公车上，蟹蟹说：'今晚我要和妈妈睡！'. 蟹蟹想了半天，说：'好办，让她跟爸爸睡！'. 妈妈：'！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（……—'. 65288;恋母情结、依恋的巨蟹）. 狮狮去参加奶奶的寿宴。到了吃寿包的时候，狮狮问：'我们为什么要吃这种像屁股的. 65288;以自我感受、不怕旁人眼光的骄傲的狮子）. 65288;聪明、权衡利弊的天平）.

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: Diary of a GCE Invigilator

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Friday, February 4, 2011. Diary of a GCE Invigilator. Diary of a Teacher / 200x English Language O Level Oral Exam Invigilator. I was sent to a private school this time. It was the first time that the school was being used as an exam centre and boy did it show. The head had no idea what was going on and was almost having a panic attack. Question: Is society responsible for creating selfish people? Me: Tell me about your favourite toy when you were young. Oh, I like beer. You know, the beer, the teddy beer.

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: 25 December 2010

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Saturday, December 25, 2010. Management and the CRAP Program. Due to the current financial situation caused by the worldwide slowdown of economies, since the late 2008, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 30 plus years of age on early retirement. People staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT...

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: 22 November 2010

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Monday, November 22, 2010. Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life," - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. Half this game is ninety percent mental." - Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark. I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle. Your food stamps will...

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: 26 December 2010

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Sunday, December 26, 2010. President George Bush and Colin Powell are drinking in a pub close Old Town Square in Prague. A guy walks in and asks the bartender,"Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there? The barman says, "Yep, that’s them.". So the guy walks over and says, "Wow,this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here? Bush says, "We’re planning WW III," and the guy says, "Really? What’s going to happen? A little perplexed the guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Links to the Humans.

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: 02 December 2010

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Thursday, December 2, 2010. I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in thirty minutes. Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs. Would you take him for me please? You have two cows. You th...

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: 25 November 2010

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Thursday, November 25, 2010. What you say to your boss and what it really means:. You say: Perhaps I can work late. It means: When the fuck do you expect me to do this? You say: I’m certain that is not feasible. It means: No fucking way! It means: You’ve got to be shitting me. You say: Perhaps you should check with. It means: Tell someone who gives a shit. You say: Of course I’m concerned. It means: Ask me if I give a shit. You say: I wasn’t involved in the project. It means: Fuck it, it won’t work.

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens: 28 January 2011

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Friday, January 28, 2011. The chicken and the road. Why did the chicken cross the road? CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

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Welcome to Earth, Aliens

http://knightron.blogspot.com/2011/02/do-not-put-that-object-into-your-mouth.html

Sunday, February 13, 2011. 燈泡的包裝紙上都有警告- do not put that. Object into your mouth. 但我十分懷疑，我認為燈泡的表面是十分滑的，如果可以放得進口，. 也本著科學家的精神- - -大膽假設，小心求證。 我決定要證實他看。當然，我也做了安全措施.買了一枝菜油回家。 不消1秒便滑入了口，倒也容易.照這樣看要拿出來絕無問題。 不怕，我把口張得最大，放多一點力（要很小心拉破燈）. 65288;30 分鐘後）. 正當我按到一半，我記起我口中塞了個燈泡.如何說話？ 她一見我便大呼救命.我立即給她看我的便條 - -. Please call me a taxi and tell the driver to take me hospital. 65288;請招我一輛的士，還請告訴司機蛓我到醫院。）. 65288;如果我說得出話我便f* k 她了。）. 司機一見我，笑了一回（其實他一直沒有停過）。 在的士上不停的問我何以這麼做.（.他媽的.我如何答他？）. 但我好想告訴他，無論如何不要試.可惜我開不了口！ Links to the Humans.