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Nonimmigrant: December 2014

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Tuesday, 30 December 2014. The economics of grandparenting are thus: I give you an adorable child who loves you unconditionally - the one you've always wanted, ever since your own children turned out less adorable and loving than you'd hoped - and you give me unlimited free childcare where and when I request it. Was all I replied, swiftly booking a night at Harrison Hot Springs. Before that particular conversation ended. Next morning we made our lazy way home, foll...

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Nonimmigrant: July 2015

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Wednesday, 29 July 2015. There comes a time in every young American child's life when they have to realise that obesity isn't a national epidemic, it's a way of life (it's in the constitution, between gun ownership and slavery). Where better to teach my own American boy this than at The Cheesecake Factory - for so long the national leader in portion sizes and calorie counts. And consequently one of my favourite places in the whole world. Sadly not. The US gover...

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Nonimmigrant: Child portion

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Wednesday, 29 July 2015. There comes a time in every young American child's life when they have to realise that obesity isn't a national epidemic, it's a way of life (it's in the constitution, between gun ownership and slavery). Where better to teach my own American boy this than at The Cheesecake Factory - for so long the national leader in portion sizes and calorie counts. And consequently one of my favourite places in the whole world. Sadly not. The US gover...

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Nonimmigrant: Diplomatic incident

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Sunday, 5 July 2015. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, etc. But if you're clever you simply hang around great people and reap the benefits without having to put in the effort. I reflected how well this has been working out for me as I hung off my wife's arm and wandered into the Benjamin Franklin Room. At the US Department of State. Is a nondescript concrete building just over from the White House, but inside it's been decked out in fine style and stocke...

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Nonimmigrant: November 2014

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Sunday, 30 November 2014. The Ashes, The America's Cup, The Olympics. Great sporting contests all, and to these please add: The Grey Cup. Well, cattle capital Calgary was playing - there were more ten gallon hats and silver belt buckles around here than in Dallas). It was apparently quite exciting, and Calgary won it in the end. Then they damaged the cup. During their celebrations. Seems that Canadian football is more violent than its American counterpart too.

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Nonimmigrant: May 2015

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Thursday, 28 May 2015. The fridge and the fury. Can I place all the decisions in my life in a row, leading up to this very moment? Perhaps I shouldn't have told the university recruiter that computer science "sounds a bit like hard work. What's theology? Maybe I could have played rugby for Wales if I wasn't so rubbish at rugby. Perhaps if I'd had fewer tequilas before meeting Snow White I'd still be allowed in Disneyland. To make sure I understood.). Features Max R...

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Nonimmigrant: June 2015

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Friday, 26 June 2015. Was it really so recently that I was stalking the back alleys of Vancouver. Desperately looking for a decent cup of coffee? Was I so swift to condemn that noble city when comparing it to San Francisco (ah, Blue Bottle. Could I have imagined that I would soon be living somewhere that displays only two results - "Starbucks" and "Dunkin Donuts" ( DUNKIN DONUTS? When you type "coffee" into Google maps? Pete glugged down a hot chocolate and demolis...

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Nonimmigrant: April 2015

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Wednesday, 29 April 2015. Back on the wagon. If only the world were filled with wineries! Or maybe I should just move to the Okanagan. How long would it take the tasting rooms to recognise and ban me? Savouring the bouquet.before downing it. It would be rude not to buy a few, wouldn't it. Unfortunately, "cider" in North America means apple juice. Yes, there are some things that foreigners just get. Only one person was brave enough to paddle. Tuesday, 28 April 2015.

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Nonimmigrant: February 2015

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British subjects in a land of citizens. Wednesday, 25 February 2015. From a real cricketing nation. No longer will I sing "get your stars off our flag! When we play cricket against New Zealand. Mainly because they always beat us. But also because today we came home to a waiting package bearing the unmistakable emblem of the silver fern. Our fine Kiwi friends Dan, Fiona and Patrick had managed to smuggle us something it's impossible to come by in Canada: a Pete-sized cricket set! Sunday, 22 February 2015.