fmltoday.net
April, 2015 | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/date/2015/04
Monthly archives: April 2015. Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML. Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML. Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won’t stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML. Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time....
fmltoday.net
May, 2015 | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/date/2015/05
Monthly archives: May 2015. Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML. Today, I’m so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me “hun”. FML. Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I’m at work. FML. Today, my girlfriend randomly co...
fmltoday.net
Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all… | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/today-i-discovered-that-my-ex-girlfriend-writes-erotic-fiction-describing-all/245207
Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all…. Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML. Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I. Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency roo. Today, the only reason I work 12-hour shifts and c. Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don’t turn out l...
fmltoday.net
June, 2015 | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/date/2015/06
Monthly archives: June 2015. Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman’s car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML. Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML. Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatti...
fmltoday.net
March, 2015 | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/date/2015/03
Monthly archives: March 2015. Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to “pop the balloon” in my tummy. FML. Today, I found out there’s a support page on Facebook for people who have been “hurt” by me. FML. Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML. Today, I got in an argument wi...
fmltoday.net
July, 2015 | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/date/2015/07
Monthly archives: July 2015. Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn’t bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML. Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML. Today, I had to sit ...
fmltoday.net
Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why… | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/today-my-girlfriend-said-she-would-give-my-penis-a-name-gonzales-i-asked-why/245217
Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why…. Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, “Because he’s Speedy.” FML. Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I sc. Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML. How to Write FML. Back to Top ↑.
fmltoday.net
Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and… | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/today-i-went-to-take-a-dump-at-work-the-silence-in-the-room-was-deafening-and/245215
Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and…. Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, “Um… don’t quit the day job, Rick.” I’ll never live this down. FML. Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. I. Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don’t turn out lik...
fmltoday.net
Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of… | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/today-i-went-to-the-park-and-people-were-crowded-around-some-dancers-one-of/245219
Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of…. Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML. Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML. How to Write FML. Back to Top ↑.
fmltoday.net
Today, my wife handed over most of our son’s college fund, in cash, to an… | FMLtoday.net
http://fmltoday.net/today-my-wife-handed-over-most-of-our-sons-college-fund-in-cash-to-an/245220
Today, my wife handed over most of our son’s college fund, in cash, to an…. Today, my wife handed over most of our son’s college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name “Herp A. Derpson”. FML. Today, the guy I like finally called to ask me to go grab a drink with him. I just moved six hours away. FML. Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn’t think I would do it and did it herself. FML. How to Write FML. Back to Top ↑.
